(More) Drive-by pontification
I open my morning paper, I read it while I have my coffee, and articles keep leaping up and shouting, “Me! Me! Pontificate about me, in short snappy sentences that are corralled into one paragraph!” Who’s gonna argue with a talking newspaper? I do what I’m told.
(1) A group of European teenagers arrive in town to start a year of study at American high schools, and they are naturally asked what they think about the United States. Among the answers: Americans are a bunch of junk food-addicted fatties. The article then goes on to note, with a completely straight face, that while the students are here they’ll “take field trips such as visiting Ben and Jerry’s at North Hills …” Yeah, take ‘em to an ice cream emporium. That’ll help round out their impressions of us. Be sure to herd them to Fatback Night at the local buffet, too.
(2) A pharmacist writes a letter to the editor to explain something astonishing: A new North Carolina law requires druggists to now tell state bureaucrats which prescription medications you and I are taking — apparently in direct contravention of federal health-care privacy guarantees. Did I miss the news articles on this? I’ve googled this matter, but can’t find any previous reporting. Either my research skills are rusty, or somebody — cough, cough — has missed a huge story.
(3) Then there was this: “Billionaire investor Nelson Peltz said he is ready to pay as much as $3.6 billion for Wendy’s International, the nation’s third-largest hamburger chain.” Peltz must have found out the European teenagers had arrived and that the field-trip agenda is still being negotiated.
(4) And also this, from NFL quarterback Michael Vick, talking about his dogfighting indictment: “I know I put this city through a lot. My owner, Arthur Blank, who I love, sincerely, I put him through a lot. It hurts me to put him through this situation.” Blank is the owner of the Atlanta Falcons, Vick’s team, so I understood the reference. Still, it was jarring and powerfully weird to hear a black man refer to a white man as his “owner.”
(5) Looks like big hair is due for a comeback, as this piece from the Detroit Free Press (and distributed on the news wire) suggests. That’s an impressive round-up of the biggest hairs through history. But if you’re going to talk about big hair, why not also include the single best song ever written about it? That would be — and here’s a surprise of a song title — “Big Hair” by Fred Eaglesmith. Go here and click on the song for a short snippet. While you’re at it, click on “White Trash” and “Benchseat Baby,” too. You’ll thank me.